olivia_hahah

You hugged me and I don't know what was wrong with me-in a good way- but I didn't feel a thing.
I don't remember hugging you, I was paying attention to Megan.
I didn't smell you, feel you, it's like it never even happened.
And I'm so fucking glad.

Saw Rachel and Co, Jacob and Bran Bran, Sam and Megan.
It was a good night I guess.
I was more happy about those people than the bands for once.


License at 8 am.
What I've wanted for SO long...thank you God.

I've been home for an hour and in an hour I've broken down twice.

This is lovely.

I've been feeling really sick lately. Except for when I eat?
Like right now...I want to throw up, weird stomach pains.
It started on Wednesday I think when I was eating a PB&J sammich and I literally almost puked.
Plus the fact that I've been getting like 4 headaches a week, when I didn't get my first headache EVER until a few months ago.
And I can sleep forEVER and it's not enough.
I really need to go to the doctor.

To be honest, I don't know how I'm going to do next week.
I'm going to miss Edward SO much.
A week? I can't even imagine being Katie or Ryan.
I'm going around 11 days without seeing him, depending on his schedule at work.
All I have is a mini-teddy bear named Taco and every song we've sang together in my head.
I missed him the second I got out of his truck last night.

This year I'll be a junior. To you, I may be young, but I miss being youngER. I look at old pictures of me and my friends. Or even at other people's old pictures. What happens? Why do peoples' friendships fade away? Why do those times fade? All that's left after next year are pictures. We all look so young, so stupid. The music that shaped me into the person I am is the same music I listen to now, the people are the same people. So what happens? Well, I found the High Ground. I met awesome people. I met stupid people. Stupid boys. I met Edward<3. I pierced my lip, I dyed my hair, and in 15 days I'll have my license. I can drive where ever, whenever. As much as I want to grow up and go to college, move out, forget about high school, I want to go back...Now, I need a job to pay for gas and things, keep up my 3.8 GPA to keep TOPS and get other scholarships, plan for college, where am I going, where will I live among other things. Sure it's two years away, but it came so quick. I miss those times spent at Clearview doing absolutely nothing, sixth grade with Maddie, Max, and Katie B., seventh grade getting close to Katie and Maddie more and more, my first boyfriend and first kiss, eighth grade with Maddie and Heather, I didn't give a shit what you thought and I was confident. Then I got to King and got a reality check. The people I've been in classes with FOREVER are killing me. I hate 90% of them now. I'm pushed more and more, which makes me want to quit more and more. I deserved that spot on the top, and I was robbed, making me want to quit something else that used to mean SO much to me. I want to get out of school and move on with my life or go back to when times were simple and drama was pointless. Luckily, I have my girls. Katie, Maddie, Natalie, Jessica. And my guys. Edward, Joshy, Sam, Brandon. Now, you see, even though I'm definitely not as close as I used to be with Sam and Brandon, I don't blame it on them, it's my fault too. But nonetheless, I love them as if they were my brothers and I know if anything happened, I could talk to them.

Wow.

I'm so ready to FUCK what adults think and finally do something a 16 year old would do.
As in piercing my lip.
I've always been mature and I've always thought ahead.
What if I don't?
What if I lie and sneak and drink and party and sleep wherever.
Even for one night?
Just to say I have.
If I don't like it, I won't do it anymore.

I need to stop procrastinating.
1. Get a job.
2. Exercise.
3. Tan.
4. "Fuck you"
5. Do what I want.

Forget it, I'm going to college for free and I can't fuck up once I'm there.
I get so many chances during high school.
I'm doing what I want when I want to.
Well, I'll push myself. I can't promise anything crazy. I know I get freaked out easy.

The Hangover 2 (2011)

I think I just cried?

Have you ever tried to break someone up?
no, just wished for it

Are you currently frustrated with anyone or anything?
yeah

Have you ever been called Prince/​Princess?​
don't think so

When was the last time you slept at someone else's house?
thursday

When was the last time you went shopping?
yesterday

How many texts are currently in your inbox?
34

What's bothering you right now?
i need to change and clean my rabbits cage

Besides this, what are you doing right now?
nothing

Do you plan on moving out within the next year or two?
2 i guess

Do you get nervous before going to doctor appointments?
not really

In one word, how do you feel right now?
bored

Whose voice do you currently hear?
no ones

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
with

What do you normally do when you've had a really bad day?
listen to music, sleep

If someone is doing something that upsets you, do you tell them?
sometimes

Do you wish you never dated someone you dated?
nah, i learned a LOT

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?
very

Was this New Year's enjoyable?
yeah


Can you easily tell if someone's fake?
yeah

Who made you mad today?
no one

Do you always answer your phone?
no

Have you spoken to your Mother today?
yeah

Is your cell phone fully charged?
yeah

Small or big dogs?
idk

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
no

What color is your hair?
brown

You are upset. WHO is the FIRST person you call to vent to?
no one

WHO is the Last Person you hung out with?
edward

How did you meet this person?
megan something

Have you ever fallen asleep upsidedown?
wtf, no

Who is the best person to cheer you up?
edward, katie, jessica, brandon

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
i hope?

Currently thinking about?
angels and airwaves

Today I spent from 2-12 with Edward.
I cannot cannot cannot get enough of him.
He took me downtown and I finally got my aviators! :D
Saw Ryan and Meg on the expressway, haha. That was great.
Went to Little Caesars, saw Joshy!
Went to Edward's, I met his sister finally, then we went and saw Year One.
Got hit on by some black dude at the Westbank movies.

Tomorrow's Father's Day and I don't have a card...

I'm seriously so aggravated.
I hate when people use me.
Okay, I get it, you need someone to talk to and vent to.
But both of you drop me after everything's fine.
After those assholes take you back.
Thanks but no thanks Olivia, I'm good.
I'm more than happy to help friends out and be there;
but don't pretend to be my friend so I can be your shoulder.
Because that's ALL I am for both of you.
Too caught up in your own damn lives to take a minute out for someone who REALLY cares.
Those two boys? They don't give a shit.
I've been more than close to both of them.
They take advantage to the ones closest. Selfish douchebags.

Edward's stepping up.
Anytime I make a comment about us or talk to him about  problem, he's gonna fix it.

Time together is just never quite enough.

But then there are times like these that a person I'm SO close to but SO distant from leans on my shoulder and I want to understand and help and do whatever I can to make things okay. The person that's told me secrets literally no one else knows. Let's me in and breaks down walls. Bonded through secrecy. We're both letting go of the same person.

TEN things you wish you could say to 10 people:

1. don't be a hypocrite
2. this goes to about 5 people-i want to hang out more...but i know i'm not exciting like all of you
3. can you put away the pot and be my best friend again?
4. i love that you can come to me for things, but is that all i'm for?
5. i'm glad you two are always there for me
6. you're such a bitch. and you wonder why you have no friends.
7. i miss you so much and it hurts so bad. you're completely wrong for me, and for anyone. you are the definition of asshole.
8. you're good to me...but nothing amazes me like it used to...
9. we don't have wonderful conversations, but i still love you
10. i wish i could be more like you


NINE things about yourself.

1. i HATE my body
2. my nails are always short, long nails on ANYONE gross me out
3. i'm a neat freak
4. drinking is fun, but i can't allow myself to lose control, i just don't like it
5. i learn something about myself and/or change everyday
6. the ONLY 2 things i like about myself physically: smile and eyes
7. i never call/text people to hang out because i don't think i'm memorable AT ALL and i don't think i'm exciting or fun AT ALL
8. i'm about to give up
9. i care about everyone more than you think...i don't know how to show it

EIGHT ways to win your heart.

1. don't be awkward like me
2. be okay with my music or give it a chance a least
3. push me out of my boundaries just enough
4. laugh
5. drive aimlessly with me
6. accept that i'm boring
7. random notes, texts, comments, messages
8. be okay with the fact that i'm almost a boy

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot.

1. am i doing anything tonight?
2. edward's at work
3. i want to be 16, 17, and 18 forever
4. i'm so glad i'm not in school but i want something to do
5. LICENSE
6. job?


SIX things you do before you fall asleep.

1. turn off light and turn lamp on
2. make sure my fan's on high
3. think about if i wanna wear my retainer
4. brush my teeth
5. text or talk to edward
6. close my door


FIVE people who mean a lot at the moment.

1. maddie
2. katie
3. jessica
4. edward
5. natalie


FOUR things you see right now:

1. pen
2. my dog
3. notebook
4. ipod cord


THREE bands that you listen to often:
1. fall out boy
2. a day to remember
3. paramore

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. have sex
2. get married


ONE confession:

1. i'm scared

I've got two choices:
1. Run after you.
2. Keep my distance-do what's right.

I'm torn.

I miss last summer.
It was The High Ground, always.
Sam's Stickam show at night, always.
Staying up until 3 am talking to Joshy and Megan.
Sleepless nights because of Jimmy.
Seeing my then crush, Edward, at shows and freaking out to Katie.
Katie's parents being gone and our adventures.
Brandon and I being best friends, before pot.
Dressing up like a chonga.
Spending countless days and hours with Katie, sleepovers almost every night.
The Autumn's Aftermath boys.
That show that Brandon and I watched Dodging Catherine play and called them all faggots.
Paramore.



stickam


incest


first kiss


chongalicious


the boys on thanksgiving

Because I'm the least memorable person EVER.
And my boyfriend never seems like he...wants me...
That sounds wrong, but whatever.

I don't care what you think, thanks though.

So maybe, as happy as I am, I'm not happy at all?
I've spent a lot of time with Maddie, Jessica, and Natalie the last week.
Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but I don't know...
The people I want so bad to love me, I never really see...
And when I do, it seems like they like me, but I guess I'm not one of "them".
The rest of them are all SO close.
I'm not into the same stuff and I can't stay out until whenever then sleep at my boyfriend's house.
Plus I'm not as high-energy, comfortable, or outgoing.
And Katie's grounded...but somehow apparently managed to find a way to see one of her friends that she "would never be friends with again" for the fourth time or so.

So as I came home tonight, I had a dinner paid for by my boyfriend for the first time, a broken bra, and a swollen lip.

4 months tomorrow.

And my lip is PIERCED!
My parents are mad, my dad is WAY more mad than my mom, but I don't care.
I've said since I was 14 I was getting it on my 16th birthday, and I chickened out.
It wasn't even planned...Jacob was just like LET'S GO!
But thanks to Meg, I got it in the perfect spot and I really really really like it. :)
Tonight was really really fun besides seeing someone...and him obviously still caring enough to do what he did...